lord make me pure keep me chaste lead me through another door wash my face i’m a wave thrashing on your endless shores please ignore all the waste i’ve been trying to make space for you once more mum grant me some benediction i can’t fix this shit alone i need action and forgiveness or i’m never coming home you were wrong there’s an ocean and it stretches far beyond all you've known lord help me score one more victory and then i’ll quit for sure i can take your holy embrace if my grace it will restore just before i must ask you one last favour with regret please not yet

my senses must be failing me cus i’m sure i told you no more and i’ve been waiting for relief drinking away the best part of the day encouraging decay we heard children play in receding shade they sang about little fishes and how they all swim away well i prayed and i asked if you would like to stay? but that’s not exactly everything that i had wished to say things were just so hard to explain to you in those days well it might be in a haze but i remember every phrase you swore you’d take to your grave what you saw now don’t be afraid because you dove down deep and swam it with ease while i sat along the bank and choked on the waterlillies and i said to you my god i’ve just got to get your name but things were just too hard to explain away those days the priest in the picture in hindered prose he wrote of dimming the lights to grapple with the poets he said "the learned ones lead and the wisest ones leave and we all gather round the teachers like these” well i’m not gonna breathe a word i'm gonna keep that up my sleeve in case we meet again then we’ll see just who is redeemed and oh what a relief to think of all the grief that’s on your way when things are just too hard and they remain the same every day yes things are still so hard they remain the same every day it all remain the same

t’s 3 in the morning and i am awaiting your call i promised to meet you and bring you back into my arms i saw you were spiralling crying and walking alone i wanted so badly to hold you and carry you home you told me “don’t touch me” and i felt so useless and small and that night in our bed was the first time that we both slept facing the walls it wasn’t long after then that i first gave you alarm drunken and cowardly you’re sure i meant myself harm i can’t recall snapping at you but it’s all such a blur i sat in the kitchen and sobbed and i wished you were her and when i came to in the morning and noticed your pain i cursed this addiction and i swore that i’d never put you through that shit again well that was the start of it might as well've parted right then cus after that moment i knew how things were gonna end i was entitled and fighting to stay relevant but i knew you’d seen me as i see myself in my head i loved you most when i thought you needed to be saved but i am no saviour and you've never needed that not from me anyway now when you tell me about all the people you love i still feel a trace of rejection but scarcely enough i know that you love me and that i’ve a space in your heart it’s just that you’re leaving me now and i’m falling apart and i hope now you’re gone you don't think there were things left unsaid and as i watch the sunset tonight i picture you waking up reaching for me across separate beds

sometimes i am fine and my mind is released from the daily repeats of my latest defeat some days i am fake and my skin feels so heavy and wrong but in dreams i’m celestial restlessly shedding this form and i glide over waters like iris of old and my iridian slumbers begin to unfold and i light up the skies as i fly overhead and i pluck golden locks from your hair in that hospital bed sometimes i am fine you are mine and we’re each unencumbered by the numberless nights out of reach and i hold you so tight for i’m frightened you'll tire of me because try as i might i can’t sleep without your company but tonight i retire and my eyes close with ease in my iridian dreams i’m the ward of the seas and your gold hair still glistened as i listened to you breathe but all of your warmth ebbed at once blotted out on the breeze sometimes i am fine and i’ve beat this disease and briefly i cease to seek out extra grief and over time i’ll resign myself to this technique but for now the respite is enough and i’m quietly released and when i return to that yearned-for sleep my iridian fancy grants me relief saffron-winged anaesthetist helping you leave for i cannot save you but i can help you find peace sometimes i am fine but most of the time i can’t sleep

i'm not that good at being what you need and you've never learnt what being present means but i require so much less than you perceive cus i just want you to dance once more with me i know i put my foot in it with ease but you’re not exactly the easiest to please and i don’t give a goddamn where it leads cus i just want you to dance once more with me and i know we agreed that i’d leave it alone but baby please can't you see i’m in love with the way you move your feet when you’re with me and sure maybe you’re not the torvill to my dean but the judge says that if we don’t dance then we forfeit our fee so no i’ve no idea how to lead and yes the case is quite compelling for us to leave but i don't believe you’d let them take home our trophy so won’t you please dance just once more with me oh yes ignore all the eggshells on the floor cus i just want you to dance with me once more