my voice cracks down the phone and all along the table i slur my words but i remember the tone look up and blur at all the fuzzy-haired angels hoping one of them might take me home i slip outside and try to bum a cigarette from a guy who bullied me in school i think i know celebrities dealers and policemen the shit i tell people when i've had a drink i try not to exist or pretend to play possum i aim to exit without opening doors but failing that i will enact another plan of action anything not to end up on the floor my pocket warns me if i'm running low on friendship devices help me to keep track of my lies i think i'm near an ex's place i text ahead to check if no reply oh well that's no surprise groggily wandering around tripping over stretched legs well puffed-up dickheads all deflate in the end and i waste so much time my mind's a total asshole i'll fall to pieces if i can't make friends a drink is like a dance i'm better at it in my bedroom alone and thinking about somebody else it's been good to get out but if this is what it costs you maybe i'll keep my dances to myself must be nearly morning cus i'm almost out of liquor and people mingle to meaningless effect seemingly i'm bleeding i exacerbate the eczema go home and masturbate til i've nothing left

i can't help but lie but i promise i'm honest with you i give bad advice and some people listen i've made some bad calls i'm lacking precision i just want to talk but it's not my decision i ain't no thing no i can't be a walk-home man i'll leave no trace sleight of hand i understand shame and i try not to open new doors i'm a powerful waste of a beating heart there ain't no way i can crawl back into bed everything's changed for the best and there ain't no way we can share each other's heads now everything's gone and there's nothing left

the kitchen's full of surprises and my residual disguise is wearing thin i haven't slept with anyone since december 5th mildew laps at my window alex tells me he's been through what i am suffering but what does alex know about anything? i'm scraping a 2:1 i sleep twice as often and take so little in i treat my mum like she's a burden she tells me she can't win but i've got friends that love me no matter what becomes of me they're so protective and sure i've got some friends that i'd love to have slept with i don't want to stay inside but today wasn't designed with me in mind i'm sure it's somebody's day but it sure ain't mine and i'm drinking like sinatra so i'm thinking now's not the best time to make friends i'm sure we're all better off this way in the end i want you now more than ever but in your presence i never know what to say i guess i belong alone i'm just built that way and yet i know it would take so much more than a lover to make me complete so why do i fall in love with everyone i meet?

this is the darkest part of our journey there's no way of safely returning to safety i always travel fucking my sleep up i carry a torch light in case of idk a cat on the wall it's the shadows that freak us and down at the bottom street lighting consumes us i'm startled by youths howling in darkness approachable man is ruined by weakness but it shouldn't be this easy to spook me when i know the dark can't actual hurt me i'm frightened by my own imagination you're frightened by what's really there

staring into space out my window i've had three beers and i am alone thinking about all of my old friends what i know and what i don't all about them and when i think back i ask myself why they left well maybe i left them but i'd love to travel back to then my oldest friend james he was trouble always looked out for his pals until he lost them he cheated on evie so she left him then he tried it on with my mum so i followed it was so long ago and i know he's tried to reach me since but i lost my nerve though i wish no harm against him then there was school kane and nick i think nick's doing well we just drifted but kane he got involved with one of my ex's and the way he treated her i couldn't forgive and yet in such a small town where everybody mixes i did the same to him and dated his ex katie just last christmas i visited the hospital to see my friend harry and he looked so ill he told me he's got a kid and she's only a few weeks old and that we ought to catch up as soon as possible but that never happened and he's getting married tomorrow and though i didn't get an invite i'm sure that it wasn't personal which brings me to luke and how i lost him i thought he was closest to me more than anyone but when i split with katie late one winter luke swooped in to comfort her and though i patched things up with katie i never forgave luke for hooking up with my girl and leaving me destitute then there is lou studying in lincoln we made out twice in a club and then her living room but we weren't a good match and i think our friendship never managed to recover from it but she dated my friend andy and i couldn't hide my jealousy and when they went their separate ways i guess i did just the same and how could i leave out hannah sammy and mollie my three closest friends during my early teens i thought that i kept the three of them together but they all still hang out and i'm not there and yet i'm so glad they kept touch and that i never drove a wedge between them i spose that all my old friends fair better off in the distance so many names forgotten or unmentioned but i'm eight beers down and i'm late so i'm leaving to meet sam and brian they're my new friends i just pray that the same fate never meets them

1 the street is so crowded and my walls are so thin i pull the covers up over my head and dive back in it's taken me sixteen hours to get back to my place of rest and i've got one friend less i have to look for a new place somewhere not so loud but every step outside this house just brings me further down and though i've got some good friends soon to be coming round today i'll send them away and drown 2 there's a closed sign turning in every shop i pass and there is a chill in the air that's built to last and there are children peaking through a hole in a garden wall and singing happy by pharrell tonight's my first night back out in town with friends i know that i have to try to make amends because i lost my temper when they couldn't save her and they found me down by the water 3 cut to late one eve where i'm out searching for a gathering of all the old friends of yours but i know no one among them and i should not have come and i fail to maintain a conversation whenever i'm back home i'm scared i'll see your mum because i forgot to send her your piano song and i avoided parts of town in case i saw joe cus i never know what to say to him 4 one night after work i head to the star and i leave a spare drink for you on the bar and as i am walking home my eyes are full of tears i can't believe it's been a year so when i'm home i try to reach somebody who i thought that i could always call on out the blue but so much time has passed and she is coping fine or at least it seems on the outside 5 it wasn't long after then the day finally came where i didn't think of you or hear your name and i felt so guilty when you came back to me that i swore i would never leave you be but i wish there had been a place that only we had shared that i could visit when i get scared because i miss you too much to even comprehend that i'll never see you again

katie we never learned to waltz and yet it seemed to mean so much to me once and i know now you never will at least not with me or my elephant feet talk to me before you leave your floral dress spins minuets in my otherworldly dreams where i'm counting to keep you in time but you'd never step to the same beat as my dumb heart katie i longed to see you waltz and i'll bet that you had no clue and hated dancing too but i won't know that now for sure for those answers lie in a private life that i don't have access to anymore every version of our past is locked behind a guarded metal door and my old key it asks of me what did she make me for? when she could just leave you for leigh and if that's the case then what was the point in sharing anything? oh kate i wish i could just see you once more just to see the tattooed v's you both got on your knees after three months apart from me i feel like you were never who i always thought you'd be it's as though your eyes weren't blue but then if they weren't you would have lied to everyone else too and i wouldn't be the only one surprised to find that you could just move on so please you know this is what i need to help make sense of how you could leave

i've been travelling for hours i've lost my notepads so there's no point in faking my way through the evening i've been trying to get to the place where loving you is just this stupid thing that i used to do you don't look like your photos or talk like you ought to and you seem embarrassed when i reach out to touch you i drink like a weakling and you laugh where you shouldn't and we crawl back to mine like we've nothing better to do but i couldn't help you i buried my head i've not got that going for me no i couldn't help you the shame keeps repeating i've not got that going for me now i can't leave the bathroom alarms start ringing i hear something moving so i lock myself in and i think up a message that says i'm sorry that i'm like this but i never wrote it because you'd never even notice and i couldn't help you i buried my head no i've not got that going for me i couldn't help you the shame keeps repeating i've not got that going for me the last time i saw you you snored like a rhino and i slept in the spare room til late in the evening you'd gone when i came to but you'd folded the corners so i sat at the bottom and stared out the door

if you're after a favour a friend or helping hand don't let me let you down hold me to my commitments because i'm fucked without my plans and please don't let me let you down just imagine i'm sitting with my head inside my hands make me useful and don't let me let you down and though i'm prone to drink in bars alone i'll always be around so please don't let me let you down i'm simple and forgiving on the face of it i'm bland i put off work i go to shows but i know you'll understand if you've ruined your evening and you're standed in the town you can call me and i will not let you down if you're drunk or you're boring or regret your one stand i'll be near you so don't let me let you down and when no one gets your humour and your punchlines never land i'm all ears so don't let me let you down just don't put the blame on me unless you really think you can and please don't let me let you down cus if you don't let me down gently then i am not a stable man things have to go my way i can't play the little lamb in your room in your bed spare a thought for this old ham promise me you won't let me let you down unless you ask me to relieve you well then i couldn't give a damn i'm a faker but don't let me let you down i've been a flake i've been a coward i mistake all your commands for suggestions but don't let me let you down and i crumble under pressure and i struggle to keep friends i am weary but don't let me let you down when i'm drunker than i should be and my friends are in the crowd and i screw up all the lyrics and i speak the wrong way round but when i'm dead and forgotten buried deep within the ground please remember that i never let you down and if i did well i didn't mean to i was likely in demand i get so busy but don't let me let you down and i swear i'll make it up to you cus i can't afford the drama of losing your friendship or romance don't keep me in suspense much longer put my life inside your hands and please don't let me let you down d.l.m.l.y.d. x 4

no gravity zone the fear of unknown unable to fall you’re stuck in a mood well everyone needs solid ground cus mines cave-in and ceilings crown so i take all the tubes out your arms you’re too far gone to hear my song la la la la la la la la you’re too far gone to hear this song you're too far gone to hear my song